I buy too many diaries that I don't write in...

Can I first just mention that I am NOT confused about being married...on the contrary, that may be one of the only things in my life right now that I am not confused about. So just so we're clear...

Marriage = NO confusion

I love my husband more than anything in this entire world. I really don't like to rub my successes into people's faces...really, who likes to sit around and listen to someone talk about how perfect their lives are? I honestly think if you're that persistent to tell people how fabulous you are, there is something really very truly wrong going on there...but being that my relationship with my husband is one of my very few successes in life...sorry, I'm going to talk about it. 

We got married 18 days ago. It was a hot, humid, rainy day...but absolutely perfect. I really couldn't have imagined a day more wonderful than our wedding day. Music, scripture, family, cake, food, dancing, cookies, drinks, games....love. I have never been so SURE of something in my 26 years here on earth...J and I are meant to be together through this life and the next. We are soul mates in every possible way. He is my best friend, my love, and he lets me be ME - he loves me just the way I am, imperfections included...

...which led me to figuring out the title to my blog..."married and confused..." because being married is probably the only thing I'm sure about right now. The rest is just confusion...

...like right now. WHY am I watching America's Next Top Model for the 5,000,000,000th time?? WHY?! Especially when I'm watching Cycle 6 (the one with Jade) which I could probably start quoting, I've seen it so many times. This show is ridiculous. The girls are "too short" when they're 5'7"...they're "plus-sized" when they weigh less than I do...they're eliminated for the stupidest things like "we don't think you have the right personality." J rolls his eyes every time he comes home and has it on...always asking me why I watch this show all the time...and I have no answer. No GOOD answer, at least. I'll admit I love the stupid drama, I love the weird photo shoots, I love when they FLIP OUT about getting their hair cut (do women forget that hair grows??? It grows...it GROWS BACK!!!!), I love Miss J, and oh Lord do I love when Tyra does that thing she's just so good at...embarrass herself. 

I'm wasting my time, though, and the sad thing is I realize it and I do it anyway...

...this is not an everyday occurrence, however, as yesterday I was very productive! Yesterday was a day to be proud of...

...today I gave up after applying for a few more jobs. Job hunting isn't really that HARD...it's just frustrating. Tiring. I've been having racing thoughts lately...thoughts running so fast that it wakes me up in the morning, and those of you who know me know I have never EVER had a problem with sleeping in. So today...after applying for yet ANOTHER receptionist job...I decided to start my blog. This blog. The blog where I can throw out these racing thoughts...usually silly thoughts like, "Why does Dr. Oz wear scrubs that are too small?"...but still the thoughts need to get out there somehow. Otherwise I'll go nuts...

...and I buy too many diaries that I don't write in.

Time to go back to productivity...J comes home in a couple hours and we'll be going apartment hunting! It still astounds me that we lasted a year in this little dark box we've lived in...I feel like I'm in one of those boxes that people pack away in their attics...it's dark, hot, musty, and you can easily be forgotten if you don't get out every once in awhile.

So here I am, blog world! I'm confused. MARRIED!!!...but confused...

- Mrs. H